20 For My 20s

So I just happen to be on the cusp of a very significant birthday. The great 3-0. At first I planned to do a huge self-deprecating retrospective of all the birthdays of my second decade, forever immortalizing the pageant of bad self-esteem, bad boyfriends and bad haircuts that seemed to characterize my 20s. Then I thought better of that idea, if only because I actually rather like the person I’ve become since I turned twenty five. Besides, dwelling on the past is like, so immature. I’m ready for the future.

When I was younger I used to dread turning 30, the proverbial age that all us hip young kids are supposed to hand in our street cred and high tail it out to the suburbs to become soul-less, minivan driving cyborgs. 30 was a completely different universe to us. It wasn’t just that you became old at 30, it was almost as if you ceased to be, or at least ceased to be in any incarnation that we could identify with. Saying someone was “like 30″ was probably the worst insult one could one could drone at another over the bong water. “Dude, that guy is like 30, what’s he doing still hanging out at Manray? That’s just creepy”, or, “Yeah, sure I’ll get a real job, maybe when I’m like 30 or something.” 30. Too old to go clubbing, to enjoy even vaguely interesting music or wear combat boots and a feather trimmed black negligee over your favorite velour mini-dress to your 9am playwriting class. In short, 30 was the end of it all.

Could my black-eyeliner-smeared 20-year-old self ever have imagined I would look forward to turning 30? Would I have ever dreamed that the secret is that I’m actually getting cooler with age and not less so? All of those awesome things that the shy, image concerned me would never dare to try in her early 20s? I’m doing those things now. And what of 30 being the end of it all? Not even close. Get this: I’m not even afraid of things like partnership, starting a family and eventually even moving to a place where every spare inch of ground isn’t covered with asphalt and cigarette butts. I don’t ever have to be afraid of those things changing who I am. In my life I’ve met so many badass women who have still managed to maintain their professional goals, potty mouths and travel habits while being kickass partners and moms, I know when my time comes I’ll be able to do it to– and still be me. And what if I don’t choose a partnered life? That’s OK too. I’ve met countless other women who’ve shown me that there is no credence to the spinster stereotype and that being on your own is by no means the same thing as being lonely. Life… whatever you’ve got coming, I’m ready.

Yet, I wouldn’t be the confident person I am today if it hadn’t been for the me of my 20s, bad at home dye-jobs at all. I spent so much of the last decade trying on different identities, seeing what fit and discarding the old ones like thrift-store finds that I couldn’t quite make work with the rest of my wardrobe. I figured out what worked for me and what didn’t, culled what just didn’t feel right and hung on to what did. I worked my ass off to find my passion, become independent and be good at my job. I had a shit ton of adventures and good times along the way. And I learned a lot, I really did. Every train-wreck and triumph I’ve had over the last 10 years has made me who I am today. So here’s a run down, 20 for my 20s. 20 important things I’ve learned, many of which I’m still working on, but hey, life’s a work in progress…

1) You know that thing you have been dying to try but you’re afraid to because you think you aren’t smart enough, talented enough, cool enough, tough enough or attractive enough to do it? You are.

2) While we’re at it, you know all those people who are already doing that thing you want to do? Most of them aren’t any smarter or more talented than you. Chances are the only difference between you and them is that they decided they could do it.

3) It is not your job to make everybody you know like you, agree with you and think you are smart and wonderful and right all the time. In fact, chances are that if you are living your life according to your principals, everyone around you isn’t going to like you agree with you or think you are smart and wonderful 100% of the time. That’s OK. You don’t need to define your worth in terms how much others like you.

4) It is perfectly OK to spend time focusing on the relationships in your life that are mutually beneficial and to let go of those that are not.

5) Don’t ever waste time dating or being friends with someone who makes you feel “less than” or someone you can’t trust our be yourself around.

6) It’s OK to be busy sometimes with lots of different projects. Someday you’ll look back on your life and say, “I can’t believe I did all that cool stuff!”

7) It is also OK to say no to things and unplug your computer, turn off your phone and pretend to not be home for a night.

8. Self care is not vanity or self-indulgence. Taking care of yourself does not mean you are weak and lazy. In the end, your mental, emotional and physical health is all you’ve got so do your best to preserve it! If you are healthy you will do better at your job and be a better partner, lover, friend, artist, etc.

9) Taking time to connect with your true friends is worth it, even if it always seems like there is never enough time.

10) Following your curiosity is always worth it. Money spent on travel and education is also always worth it. That being said, don’t live on credit. Figure out what you can live without in order to afford living that adventurous lifestyle you crave.

11) Don’t let somebody else’s dreams or expectations of you define what you want to do with your life.

12) Don’t dwell on your most negative interpretation of yourself. If you spend too much time being self-critical, you’ll never learn what your strengths are or become a better person.

13) Identify a few core things about yourself that you are proud of, things about you that will never change regardless of your life situation. Use those things as a touchstone to come back to when you are questioning who you are, when somebody else isn’t treating you right, or you need to make a major life decision.

14) Learn to like the body you are in. Work on trying to love it.

15) Never ever be afraid to speak up for yourself.

16) Everything you need is right inside you. You can’t always get what you need from other people, so learn how to achieve goals and feel good about yourself independently without somebody elses’ approval or support.

17) That being said, no woman is an island. Learn how to ask for love, care and support when you need it. Sometimes your loved ones can’t read your mind.

18) You are smart, don’t downplay your accomplishments. Just stand securely with them.

19) If you are itching to take a risk or make a change, chances are it is a good risk or change, chances are you will be successful in your venture. Don’t ever be afraid of the future. Just do it.

20) You always deserve to strive for more, be it more happiness, more life fulfillment, more love, more adventure, a more satisfying job, whatever. If you want it and you are willing to work hard to get it, you owe it to yourself to go for it. Settling for life being just OK is never enough. Strive to be enormously satisfied with everything you do, set realistic incremental goals and don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t get exactly what you want right away. In the words of Cheetah Rivera, “Try not to take yourself too seriously, but always take your work seriously.”

A Post A Day Project

Every few months or so I decide I’m going to get serious about this whole blogging thing and start posting more often. This time I’m gonna make it for realies with the Post A Day Project. Starting on Monday I am going to post at least one article a day and see how long I can keep up with it. It would be great to start generating a lot of new content, not to mention some really kickass discussions. 

Sometimes I feel like I’m just talking to myself here and then I get random comments that make me realize that I am actually facilitating useful conversations for my readers and it inspires me to keep on getting loquacious on your asses. So keep me honest by checking in and dropping a comment if you find something interesting. Let me know what you like hearing about and what you want to read more of, I’d really like to get some lively debate going in the comments here. Oh, and it’s not too late to vote in for the blogluxe awards. You can even go all James Michael Curley on their asses and vote once a day until polls close if you like. 

Thanks for reading, kids. And remember…

Stuff I Like: Teen Girl Squad

After my last post, I feel obligated to lighten the mood around here a little. How better to do it than by sharing one of my favorite web videos ever, from the geniuses that brought you Strongbad, Teen Girl Squad:

I love how the craptastical production values still somehow capture the absurdity of pubescent girls. Plus, the voice of the narrator is the same voice my boyfriend uses when he does an impression of me, because he’s a goober.

Happy saturday, kids.

This Just In…

So I just found out this week is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week.

Even though I don’t need ribbons and buttons to be aware of things that are important to me, I couldn’t let it pass without recognizing it in some way. Nearly every adult woman I know has struggled with an eating disorder or body image issues at some point in her life. Finding your body unattractive or inadequate regardless of what size/shape you are seems de riguer for most American women these days. I wonder if other cultures have the same problems with eating disorders as we do?

It took me until my late 20s to be more accepting of my appearance, and I still have my good and bad days. There is so much misinformation out there about what constitutes healthy and attractive, no wonder why so many people have have fucked up relationships with their bodies and food.

Anyway, it’s time to go to work so I’m not gonna preach at ya. Here are some links to a few resources about healthy body image that offer some alternatives to punishing your body and hatin’ on yourself, or just some reassurance that no, you’re not crazy to love your body just ‘cuz you aren’t a size 2:

Junk Food Science

The BMI Project

Every Woman Has An Eating Disorder (Lots of great links to other interesting stuff there!)

And of course, Shapely Prose , where you’ll find a huge network of body-positive blogs and web sites.

Happy reading and happy eating, kids.

(Smart) Girls On Film

Kudos to GeekUSA for once again proving that he’s the cheese to my macaroni by pointing me to this article in the Boston Globe. The Globe’s Wesley Morris asserts that, “Juno” serves cool, intelligent girls something they rarely see in a movie: themselves. Adds the film’s preternaturally cool star Ellen Page, Juno “dresses like she wants, says what she wants, and doesn’t apologize for it.” Page added: “Girls haven’t had that sort of character before. We don’t have our ‘Catcher in the Rye.’

Part of the whole reason why I started this blog is the first place is because I knew I wasn’t the only girl who rarely sees females she can identify with in modern media. I’ve spent my whole life looking for my Holden Caufield, Max Fisher or Ben Braddock and coming up with pop culture’s equivalent of pocket lint. Sure, movies like Heathers and Mean Girls took a stab at it, but let’s be real, how many of us dated a hot homicidal maniac or looked like Lindsay Lohan in high school?

Warning: Massive spoliers abound. What will you do?

A) Keep on movin’ I loves me some spoilers.

B) Overt my eyes and take me to the kittens! Or better yet, take me to Juno Screenwriter Diablo Cody’s blog!

You’ve been warned.

The author of the Globe article goes on to blast Juno for being unrealistic. I know a lot of people have problems with the movie’s plausibility, but its ability to take an unconventional track is what I liked about it so much. Morris states that, It’s a mite jaded…Juno forgoes an abortion not because abortions are wrong but because having one would ruin the innocuousness the movie’s going for. She doesn’t raise the baby because that would cramp her style. It all looks pretty easy from her perspective.

Her bolt form the abortion clinic may have been inspired by a gum smacking punk touting boysenberry condoms or the idea that her baby had fingernails, we’re left to decide for ourselves. However to me the glibness that Morris touts as unrealistic is the vintage stuff of teenage-hood. Disregarding your moral point of view, an abortion would have been the sensible thing to do in that situation. Who but a teenage girl ditches the predictable route in favor of powwowing with her best friend to scheme up an idea on how to deal with it?

We’ve already seen the movie about the agonized teenage girl sobbing buckets over her decision to keep the baby or not. Ditto on the movie about said girl’s parents and friends turning on her because of her decision or the baby daddy ending up to be a dog. If I had wanted to see that movie I’d have turned on Lifetime. Instead we saw what would happen if the characters in what is essentially a cliche situation made different choices.

I disagree that Juno’s approach to her pregnancy is unrealistically blase. The thing that intrigued me so much about her character was the way she used humor as a coping mechanism. If Juno is the smart girl’s anti-heroine then it makes sense that she’s not going to react to her pregnancy in the expected (pun intended!) way. I like a character that’s a bit of a rogue, a little hard to figure out and doesn’t wear her heart on her sleeve. Maybe they call her reaction unrealistic because she doesn’t react the way we’d expect a teenage girl to. (again, we’ve already seen that movie.) Maybe the problem isn’t Juno, the problem is that we expect too little from teenage girl characters in the first place. Our culture has a very narrow spectrum of acceptable behavior for young girls, and telling your fuck buddy you’re pregnant with his kid while sitting on a trash-picked recliner in his front yard isn’t on that spectrum. Girls in peril aren’t supposed to be sardonic! They’re supposed to vulnerable and weepy! Again, like that movie we’ve already seen!

And also: sucks to anybody who says that Juno’s wiseassery is out of place on a teenage girl and that she’s channeling the disillusionment of a 30 year old. Did the author of this article even go to high school? Clearly, he didn’t know me in high school.

Juno doesn’t learn any of the “respectable” lessons a judgemental public would like a knocked up teen to learn such as just saying no to sex or that all boys are dogs that just want one thing. I think part of the reason why people take issue with Juno is the fact that we’re uneasy with the idea that an unintended pregnancy might not necessarily ruin the life of a nice, white, college bound girl from the suburbs. It goes agains everything we’re taught.

Instead, Juno learns lessons that are ultimately a lot more universal, like the fact that you shouldn’t diss a guy you’re crazy about just because you’re scared of your feelings and that sometimes the person you thought was cool ends up to be sort of a docuhe and the person you thought was totally uptight ends up to be pretty cool.

Being a first of its kind movie, some people just aren’t gonna get it, and that’s OK with me. I got it, and I’m looking forward to seeing more stuff out there like it in the future. At it’s heart, Juno is an ode to the type of smart, alienated, witty girl I used to be. I wish it had been around when I was a kid and if I could wrap it up and give it as a valentine to every teenager I know, I would.

Love Me, I’m Quirky.

If Ramona Quimby, Dorothy Parker, Patti Smith, and Hermione Granger got together and had a party, it would sound like an average day in my head. I am part plucky fictional heroine, rock star, time traveler, actress,  theatrical dogsbody, feminist and schoolmarm… all rolled into one discombobulated and over-caffinated individual.

Welcome to my hatchling blog where I’ll explore everything from the spastic to the sublime. Soon it will be brimming with my less than brilliant articulations on fashion, culture, rock n’roll, travel, art, politics and anything else that gets my nose out of joint on any given day.

 

This is my place to try and extend my writing beyond all lowercase ranting and actually do something semi entertaining with my ramblings. In the coming week I’ll try and post some of my older stuff so you can get a sense of my writing style.

 

There was supposed to be a YouTube video posted here that would show you just how quirky and surreal and whimsical I am and make you fall in love with me. WordPress is however giving me crap at the moment and making my post look like lumpy oatmeal every time I try and put it up. Seeing as I need to go to work, you’ll just have to imagine a day in the life of my neurotically adorable ass set to an indie rock soundtrack.

 

OMG, I almost posted a fanvid. I am officially turning into GeekUSA.