Midday Barf O Rama

So in keeping with the topic of the Sluttoween,  here are some links you can check out if you really want to throw up in your mouth a little:

For some reading that will make you want to give up on society and move to a yurt in the middle of the wilderness, check out the blog Packaging Girlhood. They are hoping the stripper pole marketed as a children’s toy is a hoax. So am I.

And if you really want to break your brain, see Salon’s article on sexy Halloween costumes for your pets. Now just because she’s a dog doesn’t mean Fifi can’t sex it up once in a while. Seriously, being seen with a dowdy, unattractive pet on Halloween is like totally embarrassing! No more hot-dog or bumble-bee costumes for my Dachshund, this year Sparky is going as a naughty nurse!

People, Sluttoween has gone too far. I call bullshit on these stupid costumes (which aren’t even clever most of the time) and hereby announce a boycott against un-inspired slutty costumes for women of all ages. Forget sexy cop, sexy beer wench and sexy prostitute, this year I’m going as Botulism. Don’t think I won’t do it. Last year I appeared in a fat suit as Teddy Roosevelt. I’ve also donned a zombie Lavinia costume involving so much fake blood that it made other trick or treaters gag. One thing is for sure, for the sake of my sanity the Catholic School girl outfit is staying in the closet this year.

Stuff I Like: Boiling Point Burlesque

There’s no doubt about it, the burlesque revival is booming in Boston and beyond. There is just something about neo-vaudeville performance that modern audiences are connecting with and it’s more the striptease (although that I’m sure doesn’t hurt). Burlesque’s blend of comedy, social satire and vulgarization of normally high class materials seems to be just the soothing balm we’re craving amidst today’s social and political turmoil.

I recently caught up with Jill Gibson and Karin Webb, masterminds behind Axe to Ice Productions and official Fever 2 Tell Women Who Rock, to talk about burlesque, politics and their new show Boiling Point Burlesque.  Boiling Point Burlesque is a true vaudeville style cabaret packed with so many different types of delightful and provocative performers that you’ll never know what’s coming next. One night only at the Cambridge YMCA Theater Saturday June 27th at 7PM & 9:30PM. Get your tickets at www.axe2ice.com. 

Jill and Karin are two self described, “cabaret- producing gender-bending, clown-like character actors.” Claiming influences as disparate as Carol Burnette, Gilda Radner, Roald Dahl and Franz Kafka, they founded Axe to Ice in 2008 with the mission to “create, support, and produce art that causes an audience to question and to think, to be struck in the moment, and to bring their experiences into action in their own communities.”  

So far audience response to their shows has been overwhelmingly positive. Says Jill, “After our shows we hear from people we don’t know- men, women, old young, gay, straight- it’s kind of validating to know that your work is reaching many types of people, and on many different levels. I love that. It’s what we aim for.”  Axe to Ice also seeks to foster community amongst performing artists themselves. Their latest show brings together everyone from drag kings and queens to dancers, comedians, musicians and visual artists to create a unique experience that the audience won’t find anywhere else. 

Although they were in the throes of preparing for Saturday’s performance, Jill and Karin were gracious enough to allow me to chat them up about their artistic process via email. I could have grilled these two talented performers on their craft for hours but keeping their schedules in mind I had to seriously curb my enthusiasm. 

When you are developing a character or a show where do you draw your inspiration from?  Do you come up with a central theme or idea you’d like to explore first or do the characters come first? Do you feel you have a political/social agenda as well as an artistic one? 

Karin: For me the character often appears in costume first, and then I spend some time being the character and “finding” her self and back story…By looking like a character in public for a while, a person with thoughts and reactions of her (or his) own emerges.  I have to answer questions that I haven’t thought of the answers to.  Some of those answers stick, and some evolve or get lost in the moment.  When I leave that costume it is an impression of a human grown from intuition and interaction.  When I put that character back on it is someone I know already and the process takes on new dimension…In the interim of playing this person I am also meditating on him, having to talk about the experience as people who were around joke about the character, and often find myself defending their quirks and downfalls….  I think through compassion and understanding of my characters they move from Caricature to humanity-, which, for me, is the point of playing. 

Jill: My major character, Mary Dolan, started as a kind of homage to my grandmother, who was a vaudeville-revival performer and a hell of a woman. She really instilled a love of theatre in me and a passion for entertaining everyone in the room. She was a major force in my life, and when she passed away 4 years ago, I received her old costume truck as my inheritance. This character takes on many things I remember about her- her quirks and humor and flair for theatrics. 

I’ve seen so much writing on the web lately claiming that burlesque can’t be feminist or sex positive and that it exploits women whether we like it or not.  What’s your take on that attitude?

Karin: Anyone who makes an issue completely black and white is doing a disservice to themselves and to the larger community as a whole.  I understand having passionate feelings for or against a cause, but without understanding all sides (and I mean all- not both) of a subject we have no way to reach the people living their lives in the war-zone.  I am a feminist.  I take my clothes off onstage because I am sex positive and that is a big part of my point of view as an artist.  It is my choice, my art, my rules, my creation, my voice, FOR my audience.  Everyone is exploited in this world regardless of whether they hold Puritan values or not- we are all part of the evolution of the human race together, and I am proud to be the voice that I am in this mix.  I am not in the business of being objectified (other than that is what Theatre can be interpreted to be in bare essence), nor am I in the business of objectifying others.  That is a no-win situation.  I am in the business of experience and conversation, of reaction invoking new thought.  Great question! 

What are your goals as performers and as a company? 

Jill: We are very open to seeing what comes to us, and following the meandering roads in front of us. Ultimately we’d love to tour nationally and internationally- bringing our work to the world and the world to our work. There are many things I’ve yet to see in the world and I am anxious to get out there and broaden my take of the world. We’d both love to always continue our work with the stage, and continue to collaborate with major artists. And create a variety show filmed on a stage in front of a live audience for television- why not? Carol Burnett, if you’re reading this, call us! 

Favorite Scottish Things Revisited…

People, I have been remiss. In my post highlighting my Favorite Scottish things I forgot the most awesome thing Scotland has ever produced… David Tennant. Check out this clip featuring Tennant opposite Catherine Tate as a petulant English schoolgirl. This sketch really highlights Tate’s comic virtuosity (she’s totes my idol!) but there’s plenty of the Tennant Mystique (The goofiness! The smolder! The goofiness! The smolder!) to go around. It almost makes me forgive him for this year’s un-season of Dr. Who. Almost. Tennant, you are a cruel master. 

Is Love Dead?

There is a fascinating conversation going on right now over at NPR’s On Point about the current status of Romantic love. Writer, essayist and critic Cristina Nehring claims that for modern people passionate love has become not an ideal to celebrate and strive for but a source of embarrassment and vulnerability.

Who’s to blame? Well there are the usual culprits, i.e feminism and the “hook up culture” (yawn) but thankfully Nehring goes beyond the tired scapegoating of feminism for the unravelling of  everything good and decent in our society and probes at the truth beyond the hype. 

Modern people live such chaotic and hectic lives that finding true love seems sort of frivolous in the face of trying to gain those status symbols that show we’re living worthy lives. Whether it’s a doctorate, a six figure job, or a chance at fame, taking time to cultivate romance seems like an unnecessary detour on our paths to achievement. After all, love may be fleeting, but that Fullbright Scholarship is forever. Heck, now they even write books about the dangers of marrying for love! 

 I see a lot of myself in Nehring’s description of the intellectual woman who feels the need to apologize for  or hide her passionate feelings as if they are somehow a handicap, something that makes her less strong, intelligent and credible. According to Nehring I’m in good company. In her research she found that great women from Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, Margaret Fuller and Simone de Beauvoir all had precarious relationships between their intellectual and love lives. 

As a young woman I was repeatedly warned away from getting over involved in my relationships or letting my love life distract from what my mom used to call, “the big picture.” At some times in my life I really did allow my goals to fall by the wayside in pursuit of several (doomed) relationships. After that I vowed to put my own goals first and for the most part I have. But how do you balance the single minded pursuit of your own happiness and still allow yourself to fall in love? 

For ambitious women the lurking fear that romantic love will turn us into doting and subservient partners focused on catering to our significant other’s needs instead of our own is a very real one. We fear that the lure of partnership and family will steer us away from our goals, so the solution is to avoid romantic attachments altogether. The result of this very real and justified fear says Nehring, is a culture where we’ve compartmentalized love and sex. We have no problem talking about our one night stands, our favorite methods of birth control, even fertility. But love? Forget it. 

She’s right. I feel totally free to dish about my favorite brand of lube over cocktails in mixed company, but talk about how much I love my boyfriend? I wouldn’t dare. I know it would clear the room in under five seconds. And I’d feel like a total goober for even mentioning it in the first place.

So does this sound familiar to you, gentile readers? Would you rather give yourself a fleet enema than talk about your crush in public? Is romance dead? Ridiculous? Something created to sell Hallmark cards? Did it ever exist in the first place?

What’s your take on modern love?

Etsy: Tool of the Patriarchy

So I think I might be just a teensy, tiny little bit obsessed with Etsy, the magical place on the interweb that brings you spiffy handmade goods from independent sellers all over the globe. I know I’m I’m not alone in my DIY shopping zeal. The Etsy obsessed may number in the thousands these days. There’s even a guy who keeps a blog about about being an Etsy widower, the phenomenon that occurs when your significant other becomes so Etsy-absorbed that she forsakes all other things in the name of craftiness. Dude, you and my boyfriend should totally start a support group, I’ll give you his phone number.

Some people are so into Etsy that there’s a whole website about planning your wedding with it. I used to make fun of people who had their nuptials devised before there was even a proposal but  I’ve gone through the website and bookmarked every invitation, feathered bridal fascinator and crocheted wedding bouquet I liked. I said it was for a friend who’s getting married this summer, but no, it was all for me and my future awesome totally DIY wedding that is taking place, oh I don’t know, somewhere between now and 2085. I’ll send you a handmade letterpress save the date printed on recycled bamboo with soy based inks when I get around to it.

Shopping on Etsy just makes me feel warm and fuzzy. I like that I’m keeping my dollars out of the big box stores and supporting independent businesses. They even have a search feature that allows you to buy locally. I like that many Etsy sellers use recycled, upcycled or eco-friendly materials and I like that when I buy something from Etsy I’m buying something unique that everyone else in the world won’t have. So what ruined my feminist wet dream? Listen in, oh daughters of the revolution! According to Double X,  Etsy is peddling a false feminist fantasy.

That’s right, every time you buy an all natural yoga mat carrier, handmade set of stripper pasties or pouch for your menstrual cup you are contributing to the system of oppression that is keeping women down. Why? Because Etsy was founded by men. And we all know know everything that men are in charge of is inherently corrupt and evil. And also, did you know that it’s difficult to get rich running a business on Etsy?  Yeah, and making it on your own as an artisan, renting gallery space and touring to craft shows all over hell and creation is a really lucrative business model, much more lucrative (and environmentally sustainable) than working from home. And did you know, the majority of people who sell goods on Etsy are female!? Obviously, this makes Etsy bad because if it was really so great, men would be selling their stuff on Etsy too, right?

The writer continues on to bash the typical Etsy family, who reportedly has an average household income of $62K, well above the national average,  This, she theorizes is because the male partner is out working his high paying corporate job enabling the woman to stay home, chained to her knitting needles creating low cost goods all while being duped into believing that she’s living a feminist fantasy.

That last bit is where I really start to to take umbrage. I am so sick and tired of being told that I’ve allowed my pretty little head to be tricked into thinking that oppressive things are feminist. Fuck you, I’ll decide for myself  what’s oppressive with my own well educated, independent, feminist little head thank you very much. Wake up Double X, there is a whole network of independent businesswomen on the web. Most of the savvier ones use Etsy as a vehicle to sell their crafts in tandem with several other on-line venues. Etsy is just one of many ways for a small business owner to get her product out there, not some kind of monopolizing sweat shop. I fail to see how providing a low cost platform to start a business and get your product some exposure is a model of oppression. If anything it is exactly the opposite, allowing more women independence by providing a way to build a business with very little start-up money or experience. 

Second of all, this post touches on my absolute least favorite subtext in some feminist writings, the idea that we’ll never be truly equal until women live their lives exactly like men do. I’ve never understood why being more like a man was supposed to make me a better woman or a better feminist. 

The problem with the “old” feminism is that it leaves out 50% of the population. As long as we are solely focused on women’s rights in the narrowest sense of the word (gaining the right to take on stereotypically male occupations) we will fail to create a world where all people can live free from the rigidity of traditional gender roles. We need to move the debate beyond the same old arguments. If we focus on creating a world that is more equitable to all people, where the concerns of those from all walks of life are being addressed as equally important, we will see a world where gender disparities are lessened.

Do I want to live in a culture where having a child won’t be career suicide for a woman? Absolutely. But I don’t think we’re ever going to achieve that until men can take paternity leave without facing criticism for it. I’m sure that some of those so called “Etsy Husbands” would love to focus on being partners, parents and artisans but we haven’t yet created a system where that is a very acceptable choice for men. Of course, this whole argument can be viewed as cyclical too. We may hope for the time when more men can be stay at home dads, but until women are given equal pay, it will be difficult to make that dream come to fruition. That 100% pay gap between working moms and child-free women isn’t exactly helping things either. 

Even though the women of Etsy may not be getting rich, I still believe their business model can be in line with feminist ideals. To me it doesn’t have to be all about who’s making the most money. It is also about spending my money in places I feel good about. Etsy gives ethical consumers alternatives. Now I have the ability to buy things that fall in lines with my social and environmental ethics, support small businesses and keep my money out of the pockets of big companies that hurt women. Did you ever think of that, Double X?

I believe that DIY mentality of companies like Etsy can only have a positive impact on society. I don’t need no stinkin’ hammer to smash the patriarchy. We crafty women will take it down one knitting needle at a time.

Love Me, Love My TV

Growing up I wasn’t allowed to watch very much television. My parents gave me the familiar spiel about how TV rots your brain and how I’d be better off reading a book or playing outside. However as an adult who has done more than her fair share of child-care for somebody that doesn’t actually have kids of her own I have realized that half the reason had to have been because most children’s programing is really effing annoying. I mean, have you ever seen Sponge Bob!? Some people love it, to me watching that show is like having a bad acid trip while locked in a room with a bunch of hyenas hell bent on clawing the flesh off your bones.

All those years that I thought my parent were being strict, loving, compassionate people who valued my intellectual curiosity and development so deeply that they didn’t want my childhood marred by advertising and junk culture, but in reality they probably just wanted my sister and I to turn off the tube so they could get some damn peace and quiet.

The moral of the story is that Kid Sister and I didn’t get to watch much TV so what we did get to watch we really had to make count. Although I probably only watched about an hour of TV a week as a kid, the shows I grew up on really did influence me. So here we go kids, the top TV shows that made little Fever who she is today:

Fashion Sense:

Clarissa Explains It All

Oh how I shamelessly ripped off Clarissa’s fashion sense as a pre-teen. I remember watching the premiere and going straight up to my room to desperately try and reconstruct my unfortunate mid-90s wardrobe of over-sized flowered palazzo pants and puffy poet blouses into something cooler.

Clarissa’s life was everything a young Sassy reader like myself could possibly covet. She was an aspiring journalist (I soon after published “zines” with my friends that were xeroxed off of notebook paper and sent around via the mail. Back in the days of dial-up before every teen with an opinion had a blog with which to broadcast her every inner desire this was how we rolled, biotches!), with a hip, floppy haired best guy friend (OK, so at that age I made fun of any boy who approached me until he rolled up crying in an emasculated ball which is probably why I didn’t date much as a teen, but a girl could dream), and an awesomely decorated room (that boys were allowed in!) with a real life giant Swatch watch hanging on the wall. (Only the coolest of the cool kids had those giant Swatch watches, and I could never convince my parents to get me one.) What more could a child of the 90s ask for?

Sense of the Bizzare:

The X-Files

Just listening to the theme music on my shitty computer speakers makes my stomach churn deliciously in horror. It’s Friday night, circa 1997. My parent are out of town. What are my sister and I doing? We’re not hosting a kegger or sneaking boys into the house, we’re curled up in the dark in our suburban living room under grandma’s afghan watching the X Files and scaring the ever loving shit out of ourselves.

Pop Culture:

The Adventures of Pete & Pete

Most people’s first exposure to Godfather of Punk Iggy Pop might have been through a mix tape or a local college radio station. Mine was because of The Adventures of Pete and Pete, where he played Nona’s dad.

There were a million great cameos on Pete & Pete; Luscious Jackson played the school dance, Michael Stipe guest-starred as an ennui-ridden Popsicle man (let me know if I’m missing any others) but to me the real beauty of this show was it’s spot on portrayal of sibling relationships, first love, and the simple joys of growing up in the burbs.

Sick Sense of Humor:

Ren & Stimpy

When my sister was little I remember her kindergarten teacher telling my mom that bathroom humor was only a passing phase. Oh, how I know my mom wishes that were true. To this day I still can’t resist a good fart joke. I have no idea how such a demure woman gave birth to two such twisted individuals. Perhaps we were irrevocably warped by watching a show with a character called “Powdered Toast Man” who entreated his subjects to “cling tenaciously to his buttocks”. And of course, who could forget log?

Propensity for Loving Doomed Cult TV Shows:

Eerie Indiana

Remember Eerie Indiana? Neither do most people. It was like a kiddie X-Files with a little Twilight Zone thrown in there for good measure. My sister and I couldn’t get enough of it which means of course it got cancelled after like two episodes. Fortunately, the show’s creators don’t seem too worried about copyright infringement, as there are plenty of full episodes up on You Tube.

Budding Liberal Idealist:

The Wonder Years

Is it just me, or is there very little the Baby Boomer generation loves more than reflecting back on itself? This might explain why The Wonder Years was one of the few shows my family watched together, even my relentlessly channel surfing dad was transfixed.

Aging hippies love regaling their punk ass kids with how tough ‘Nam really was and how groovy that Jefferson Airplane concert was. The Wonder Years gave the ‘rents a chance to re-live those times without my sister and I stomping off to our rooms, slamming the doors and blasting Pearl Jam.

The ironic thing was that as I followed Fred Savage’s character throughout that series I actually felt like I grew up with him, losing a bit of my innocence along the way. For those of us who grew up in the gay 90s when the future was bright and the culture wars of our parent’s time seemed archaic, The Wonder Years was eerily prophetic of the times to come. Just like Kevin Arnold, we watched our parents behave like hypocrites, screwed up our first real relationships and lost faith in our government. I don’t think our parents ever dreamed that we would inherit a world that would become just as tumultuous as it was in the 1960′s but here we are, arguably worse off than we were a generation ago. It’s enough to make a person want to protest. Or grow their hair real long, or quit their job and travel the country in a VW Bus. Except these days we’re getting fired from our jobs, everybody’s way too freaked out about the economy to notice that we’re losing a war and gas is too damn expensive to facilitate any epic road trip/life altering experiences. Thanks George Bush!

So there you have it, my top handful of influential programming. It’s not a bad lot, if I do say so myself. Maybe it’s even a good thing that I drew so much inspiration from TV instead of all the books I read. After all, it could have been worse. Thank Maude I never went through a Little House on the Prarie fashion phase.

The Story of (My) Stuff

The latest internet video to go viral in my neck of the woods is The Story of Stuff , conceived and put together by “unapologetic activist” Annie Leonard. The website bills the video as a, ” Fast paced fact-filled look at the underside of our production and consumption patterns.” To the delight of many and the chagrin of some the video is already being used as a teaching tool in schools across the nation. Why do I give a crap? In my other life (you know, the one where I’m not a wildly popular feminist blogger with a razor sharp wit and a slew of commenting minions) I am an educator. Peel back the noxious layer of sarcasm and you’ll find that I actually care deeply about young people. I care about nurturing their intellectual growth and curiosity, I care about their developing sense of self and I care about how they form their opinions and their outlook on the world.

In general I think the video is great. In this age of global warming denial teachers have scant resources to provide their students with a balanced scientific approach. However I do see the point that some parents are making that it is a bit much. Not because as one parent complained, “it doesn’t say anything positive about capitalism”. As if the media, their textbooks and the entire culture around today’s kids isn’t pro-capitalism enough! Besides, to me the image of a cartoon U.S government shining corporate America’s shoes is the least disturbing image in the twenty minute video. In fact, compared to the image of skulls and crossbones over a nursing woman’s chest to depict the toxins found in breast milk, that image is downright cheerful. What gives me pause is the fact that I’m not a big fan of dumping large amounts of overwhelmingly negative facts on kids (OMG YOUR MOM’S BOOBS ARE FULL OF POISON AND YOUR PILLOW COULD KILL YOU!!!!!!!1) Without balancing it out with at least as much emphasis on and here’s what you can do about it. In the entire twenty minute video Leonard spends seventeen minutes painting a brutal portrait of how our innocent little trips to the Big Box stores contribute to the rape of our planet and only three minutes talking about solutions. If not framed appropriately by a skilled adult, it could be enough to overwhelm a viewer and make them feel hopeless. The problem is just too big. However I guess skilled adult is the key word here. Think of all the amazing conversations a video like this could facilitate. Think of all the fake town hall style debates, alternative waste treatment plans drafted by students, the haikus written to a felled tree! You could have a regular interdisciplinary education smorgasbord going on here. OK, I’m done with the teacher geek out now.

The real reason why I’m writing about this today is because the Story of Stuff really got me thinking about all of my stuff. After all, my love affair with Target is well documented. I’ve always been so darn proud of the fact that once a year or so I go through my wardrobe and skim off at least two full garbage bags of clothes I don’t wear anymore to give to charity, as if that somehow makes me Mother Effing Theresa. I never stopped to ponder the reasons why my closet is a revolving door of useless crap in the first place. Impulse buying? Guilty as charged. Inability to resist a barrage of shiny and cheaply priced goods? Check. But why is my attitude toward stuff  like that in the first place? Is it more than just too much disposable income and a lack of self control? Does it also have to do with the fact that some post WWII Don Draper type was sitting in an office 50 years ago trying to think of a way to jump start the economy and decided that manufacturing goods to purposely wear out was a part of it?

Stuff wears out. Stuff goes out of style. Stuff has to be replaced. All of this time I’ve just taken that idea for granted. Looking further into it I realize that’s not always the case. I think of the Patagonia long underwear I’ve had since 7th grade, it still looks like new and I still wear it every winter. I think of the Doc Martins I wore every day for about six years (even backpacked across Europe in them and wore them to summer camp) before they finally fell apart. Then I think of all the shirts from H&M that unravelled on my body or sat crumpled on my bedroom floor for months after one wear.

Does having all this stuff make me any happier? I always think so when I snatch it off the shelf at a retailer. But it never does. I hate finding places to put it all in my tiny cramped apartment. I hate dragging it down three flights of stairs to the laundromat. And I really, really hate folding it, putting it away and packing it up in boxes every damn time I have to move.

So kids, you are my witness, this self admitted clothes horse (I’ve always hated that expression, horses don’t wear any damn clothes in the first place!) is cleaning up her act. I’ve purged my closet this season but this time I’m not replacing with abandon. I’m trying to consider quality and usefulness over price, and I’m trying to do with less. So far, it’s working. You’d be amazed how much easier it is to get dressed in the morning when you don’t have 8,000 shirts that all look bad with the pants you’re wearing. Having fewer choices actually makes it easier to get dressed. And I’m curbing those trips to Target, I swear. What I’ve got is good enough.

So what’s the story of your stuff? Are you purging, re-arranging or re-thinking your consumption habits these days? Any tips for a career stuff-hoarder?

Shine On You Crazy Diamonds

This Week’s Best and Worst in Feminist Blogging:

Best:

There’s an all out knock down drag out UFC style cage match going on between old school and new wave feminists right now and thanks to teh world wide web everyone with an opinion and an internet connection has a front row seat. 

Linda Hirshman over at Slate’s brand spankin’ new feminist blog double X fired the first shots with the article The Problem With Jezebels. What’s the problem with these young feminists, drinking, having casual sex and not taking the blame for sexual assault? The nerve! My first reaction was, huh? Really? We’re still upset about this? Didn’t they invent the whole free love thing in the 60s? Why are old school feminists pissed now that their daughters are actually cashing in on it? If feminism means equal opportunity for both sexes, that means women have equal opportunity to not only climb the corporate ladder and influence society, but to get drunk, get laid and act like chuckleheads without having our lives and reputations destroyed for it. Because we’re human, just like men. And the victim blaming thing? Not cool. As long as society continues to put most of the responsibility for sexual assault on women, some men will continue to find reasons to rape. Why shouldn’t they when “she asked for it” is still accepted as a valid excuse? 

This is where I find that I just don’t get second wave feminists. Or maybe they just don’t get us. In the immortal words of Will Smith, Parents Just Don’t Understand. Hirshman also doesn’t get why Jezebel’s Tracie finds this picture (NSFW) funny, saying, “How can Tracie…criticize the men who go to Hooters?” I think the picture is a damn funny commentary the phenomenon of “accidental” celebrity coochie sightings. But then again, I’m one of those lazy, spoiled new wave feminists who thinks women shouldn’t have to behave like a “model minority” to get ahead. I also think I should be able to vote for the candidate who best represents my ideas regardless of their gender, drink what I want, fuck who I want, and laugh at my own vagina. 

For the record, Salon’s Rebecca Traister thinks the mud slinging fest is great, and I’m inclined to agree. After all, the fact that now we’re having a multi-generational non-linear debate about what a feminist is means that contrary to the rumor, feminism is still alive and kicking. 

Worst:

Yahoo’s newish website for women has been bugging me for a while. I’ve been holding off on writing about it since it’s mostly too stupid to pay attention to (think Jezebel only with a lobotomy or Martha Stewart’s Living minus the style). Shine is supposed to be the female’s destination on the web, all a girl really needs in her online day. In reality it is Journalism Lite, a thinly veiled platform for advertisers to capitalize off female insecurity in order to get us to buy into a certain lifestyle and ultimately spend money.

Mostly I’m just annoyed that Yahoo keeps sending Shine updates to my inbox, as if I’d actually be interested in it. The topics on the front page include: Manage Your Life, Fashion & Beauty, Parenting, Love & Sex, Food and Astrology. This is what I’m supposed to be interested in? Notice that the news isn’t even on this list. I’m supposed to care about astrology before I care about current events? Who gives a crap about Darfur as long as I have my star forecast! There’s no section on careers, business or the economy, nothing on science, entertainment or the arts. However there are articles on How To Woo Him With Your Phone Voice, How To Make Yourself Interesting, Why You’re Not Losing Weight and if that all fails, How To Get Back At Your Ex. Well thank god! I thought I was going to have to live the rest of my life as a fat, boring loser with a bad phone voice! Thank you Shine!

Don’t get me wrong, I believe that there is plenty of room in feminism for fashion, lip gloss and relationship advice. I love magazines like BUST that give a nod to craftiness and the culinary arts, honoring the DIY domestic spirit of our grandmother’s generation instead of discarding it. After all, being able to knit our own leg-warmers or whip up a great three bean casserole doesn’t have to be a function of oppression, it can be a way of overthrowing the patriarchal society that says we have to shop, eat and dress a certain way in order to have value. 

What I really resent is the assumption that most women don’t care about the world beyond our own appearances and relationships and all we’re capable of consuming is articles about fashion, beauty and dating. I believe that most women genuinely do have interest in the greater world around them. However the media that is marketed toward us refuses to address those interests unless they come pre-packaged from some sort of “women’s issues” angle. As if I can’t possibly relate to, let’s say, suffering in Iraq unless it has to do with women and cute little children. I’m so tired of the assumption that I’m not going to read a news story unless it has to do with a kidnapped white girl.

So boo on you, Shine, for adding to the glut of junk Cosmo Girl Culture we have to wade through in order to get to anything of substance.

Stuff I Like: The Steamy Bohemians

 

All right kids. I’m just gonna put this right out there. I have a big, huge, raging lesbian girl crush on The Steamy Bohemians. Scratch that, it’s more than a crush. I am viciously, wildly and perversely in love with the Steamies. If I could, I would marry them in a big, gay Massachusetts wedding, because that’s what will start happening when we let the gays get married. People will start marrying their dogs, their cousins and their favorite stand up comedy duo and we’ll all end up going to hell. Just you watch.

But, I digress.

A Steamy Bohemians show is is like watching your raunchiest gal pals riff off each other after a couple of vodka tonics, except, you know, funnier. And with guitars. And banana shaped maracas.

The Steamies know how to keep it real, tackling such hot topics as what happens when your second cousin is really really hot:

(Warning, none of these vids are even remotely SFW, unless you happen to work in a brothel, in which case, rock on!)

Or how to handle the static when some dude catches you making out with his girlfriend:

And if incest jokes and vagina puns aren’t enough for you (vajungle, anyone?) how about a trip to sex town?:

They are the MCs and twisted masterminds behind Jerkus Circus, the freaky, sexy, fun variety show that swept Boston and is now poised to take over the world, or at least a very small section of it in select urban areas. Chances are they’ll be coming to a bar near you, so check ‘em out. I’ll be the creepy girl in the back, scrawling love letters on a cocktail napkin in crayon.

Stuff I Like: Pretty Things Peep Show

These days it takes something pretty exciting to get me to go out on a work night. “I’m almost 30″, I tell friends of mine who are still firmly ensconced in their mid-20s. “Do you know how old that is? If it isn’t good, I’d rather be home with cucumbers over my eyes, when you’re my age you will understand.”  I’ve been “almost 30″ for the last three years or so, and some of my friends, my sister in particular, just aren’t buying it anymore. “You aren’t 30 yet.” She says, rolling her nubile 26 year old eyes at me. “We’re going out.” 

Well worth it on a work night, or any other night of the week in my opinion, is the Pretty Things Peep Show.   

MC-ed by the freakishly beautiful Coney Island Side Show alum Insectivora who performs with the flexible as she is cute Go Go Amy and the yes she’s really as sweet as she seems in real life Bettina May, this is the real deal, an old school side show complete with corny jokes, magic tricks and spangled titties, in other words, totally worth it on a work night. 

However, this is old style vaudeville with a twist. Conceived and executed wholly by these three gals, the women of this peep show are far from just “pretty things”. Along with the classic burlesque fan dances and strip teases involving spectacularly intricate handmade costumes these girls navigate waters that are the traditional territory of male performers. In the midst of all the retro glamour Insectivora isn’t afraid to get busy hammering nails into her nose while telling dirty jokes with aplomb. She also has this surreal way of making fire eating look elegant and dare I say… easy. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And of course, what side show would be complete without the lady in a box trick? With the help of Go Go Amy’s contortionist skills Insectivora executes the classic Chinese Execution Blade Box. Go Go Amy even manages to wiggle out of her dress while facing the snip snap of the blades. It’s nice to not see female performers relegated to the status of “lovely assistant” and refreshing to see a show that’s so out there produced by three talented women with a ton of chutzpah. Plus, the idea of the three of them traveling in a van across North America just to bring carny delights to the masses really warms the cuckolds of my deformed little heart. 

There’s something about a woman you can’t easily fit into a box that both intrigues and intimidates people, which is part of the reason  why I love the Pretty Things Peep Show. The show is all at once, glamorous, innocent, dangerous, raunchy and playful. They’re on tour now, and if you go and see it, expect to be grossed out, turned on and amazed. Expect the unexpected, who knows, maybe you’ll even stay out late on a weeknight.